OK, so, it's time I was on the road to LA, headed out to see my second mom for Thanksgiving, but I've been slow at getting ready and much of it is because of the things swirling around in my brain, and I figure I'll be less likely to get myself into a car accident if I think it all through and write it down before I hit the road.
I guess I'll start with the shorter subtopics and work my way down to the one I've been thinking about the longest... prepare for a wall of text any which way I go about it.
First, on dreams. It's been a little over four months now, and it has occurred to me several times over that span that I haven't dreamed about Jason. At all. I don't know why that is... it's not like I haven't been sleeping - although up until the other day when I picked up a bottle of Melatonin capsules at the store, it was certainly not on what you'd call a regular pattern - but my dreams have been strangely absent of the man who was such a constant presence in my life for over 8 years.
Monday night I finally dreamed about him. In this dream, apparently we hadn't decided to have him cremated, and after about two weeks (yeah, my dreams are completely unrealistic like this) the doctors had found a way to revive him and make him all better. Evidently he was still recuperating from his ordeal and we were staying in someone else's house in separate rooms, but I remember part of the dream where I came into his room and was cuddling next to him and being just amazed and grateful that I had him back. I was about to ask him if he had any memory of the time when he'd been dead, and what it was like for him to come back...
And then I woke up, with a pounding headache from sleeping with an extra pillow and my neck at a funny angle. It didn't help any that it was just nearly that time of the month and I was super-emotional anyway. Yeah, yesterday was a bad day.